Understanding

Listening to Alan Watts always reminds me of what to look for in life. The things that are right in front of us that we've learned to disregard and fail to appreciate. It helps me to understand myself. Sitting there in silence listening to his charmingly full British voice wittingly explain away the misconceptions of life that most of us have agreed to agree upon. He reminds me that I am capable of so much more. If only I appreciated every moment of my existence as much as he appears to. I have bursts of this feeling, but it always fades as the days grow longer and I more apathetic. I know there's a way to light the flame and keep it lit. I've seen it in professors who've inspired me. "If you don't get out of bed in the morning excited for the day ahead, if you hit that snooze button, you haven't found it." I'm paraphrasing of course, but that's the flame I crave. I feel if I figure myself out; what it is I want in life and how I view it, that flame will light itself.

I'm entering my Senior year of college, and I've only recently chosen my major. I only chose that major because there was a deadline for it's declaration. Biological Psychology, it's a very interesting field but it doesn't encompass everything that I yearn to know. I want to be a philosopher, a biologist, an astronomer, a mystic, a healer, a poet, and so much more. It's not fair that we're forced to choose. I think sometimes though that maybe I feel that way because I haven't yet found my calling. I know others who are perfectly content with their area of concentration and see no need to focus on anything else. I know I'll figure it out, I just have to enjoy the ride there, live in the now, listen to alan more (haha). Even though this entry was short I enjoyed expressing myself. I haven't written for me in a while, it felt good.